Communication Articles |
Logic Principle Our need to appear rational with others brings much logic into our discussions where we attribute causes to events and actions. The actual truth and real logic are often relatively unimportant as compared with the social benefits of appearing rational. Conversations and debates are filled with people who are desperately seeking to impose their logic over that of others and aggression often replaces rationale, particularly if they feel that the other person's logic is superior. A cold, logical argument may thus fail to convince others. For logic to be most effective, there needs to be additional work done to manage emotions. Logic is not always logical. What persuades us is the appearance of logic rather than something that follows the strict rules of argumentation. False logic appears in such ways as:
Understand the real logic of both your and their arguments. Also understand the social and emotional situation. Succeed and Mr. Spock would be proud. For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK
Objectivity Principle Objectivity works in two ways. First, it helps to remove emotion, allowing people to think more rationally. The other use of objectivity is that it provides neutral territory that allows an equitable discussion to take place. When we say "be objective" we typically mean a number of things:
An objective viewpoint is thus more realistic, fairer and far more likely to be result in an agreeable resolution to human differences. Objectivity is the opposite of subjectivity. A person who has a subjective viewpoint sees things only from their own position, complete with all biases, internal mental models and so on. The problem with a subjective point of view is that it is invariably different from everyone else's subjective viewpoint. Think of a time when you were upset or angry. Relive the experience, seeing things through your own eyes again. Notice how you start to re-experience the emotions. Now imagine floating out of your body and looking down on the scene. Notice now how the emotions are less. Standing back and literally seeing the situation from an external viewpoint has the very useful property of removing emotion. This is a very helpful tool for calming people down and assisting them to think more rationally. An objective viewpoint is a neutral territory where both people can meet. In particular, it plays to our need for fairness. The neutrality of an objective view lets us both look from the same position, and if we cannot do this then at least we can get someone else to do it. This is the role played mediators, judges and other intermediaries who stand in the third place. In a conversation or relationship there are three positions. The first position is me, my subjective self. The second position is you, the other person, and your subjective viewpoint. In argument and discussion we tend to see only these two positions. The third position is the objective viewpoint, as a neutral observer watching the discussion from outside. Anyone watching the conversation is, in the third position. Either or both of the participants can also find this third position. When you are being drawn into a discussion, take the objective third position. Stand back and look down on the situation. Take time to understand both yourself and the other person. You can do the same for the other person, helping them to take a more objective position. You can also do the reverse, dragging the other person down into the subjective and emotional position from which they cannot see what is happening in the bigger picture. For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK
Pull Principle Most methods of persuasion are based on creating pull rather than push, which is generally coercive in nature. Pull creates desire. It is about making the other person want what you are offering. It is subtly changing how they perceive the world such that they see what you have and want it. Once you have created desire, then the internal tension set up in the other person will lead them in the right direction. Push and pull are a matched pair: Pushing is the stick to the carrot of pulling. It is fishing rather than shooting. It is creating desire rather than creating fear. It is creating attraction rather than repulsion. In motivation, pushing is a business management method while pulling is used by leaders. Pulling is more difficult than pushing, but is ultimately more effective. When you push, you do not know what direction the other person will take. It is like the sheepdog running into the flock of sheep: they all head off in different directions. Pulling has just one direction. It is like being the shepherd, towards whom the flock will move. Use push and pull together: Push just to break people away from their current position. This will cause confusion, after which you can much more easily pull them. This method is used by martial artists in such as Aikido and Tai Chi Chuan. Learn to pull. Creating pull means creating desire. Creating desire means knowing not only what people want but how they decide what they want, and working at this process level. Also balance push with pull. Sometimes people need a shove to get them going. For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK
Perception Principle What I see is based on what I believe is really there and the models of reality that I have created. Many studies have shown that our minds helpfully will ignore bizarre and unexpected things in what we see. If you try to persuade me using things that I do not accept or understand, then I will not be persuaded, even though the evidence you offer may be overwhelming. Manage perception before reality. Work from what people believe. Stand and walk a mile in their shoes. Fit what you say into their mental models. Use their language. For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK
HOA Website Information Try these steps to guarantee your contact information is useful to your community: Provide board member contact information as long as the individual approves releasing this information. If not, have an HOA phone number with voicemail and an HOA email address like info@nottacarecondos.com If you have committees, describe each committee’s duties and the names of those that serve Post a calendar that includes board, annual and committee meetings as well as social events and major renovation events (painting, roofing, etc.) Provide as much self-help information as possible like newsletters, governing documents, approved budget, reserve study and rules. Update the contact information when there is a change While organizing and updating this information does take some time, in the long run, it will save time and time is money. BACK
6 Habits of Likable People Here's how likeable people do it: They lose the power pose. This is the one your parents may have taught you: To stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers and shake hands with a firm grip. It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes it seem like it's more about you than it is the other person. No matter how big a deal you are, you pale in comparison to South Africa’s Nelson Mandela. Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends ever so slightly forward as if to bow. This is a clear sign of deference and respect. So, the next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction, not them. Touch can be very powerful. It can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly. Go easy. Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and non-threatening. Mandela touches the forearm a second before he shakes hands. When combined with his posture and smile, it comes across as genuine and sincere. It is a key component in liking and being liked. Likeable people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu (SJJ), the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ Masters are fascinated by things like how you transformed a tedious PowerPoint into a TED Talk-worthy presentation. SJJ Masters use their interest, politeness and social graces to cast a spell on you. And you like them for it. Social Jiu-Jitsu is easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how, why and who. As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask how they did it, why they did it, what they liked about it, what they learned from it or what you should do if you're in a similar situation. No one gets too much recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another person's opinion and, by extension, the person. We all like people who respect us, if only because it shows they display great judgment (wink wink). Everyone is better than you at something. Let them be better than you. Don't try to win the "getting to know someone" competition. Try to lose. Be complimentary. Be impressed. Admit a failing or a weakness. You don't have to disclose your darkest secrets. If the other person says, "I just closed a big deal" say, "That's great. How did you pull it off?" Likeable people focus on what they can do for you, not for themselves. The standard conversation close is "Nice to meet you", nodding as you part. It’s totally forgettable. Instead, shake hands again, use your free hand to gently touch the other person's forearm or shoulder. Say, "I am really glad I met you" or "I really enjoyed talking with you". Smile. Not the insincere salesperson smile that goes with, "Have a nice day!" but a genuine, appreciative smile. Making a great first impression is important, but so is making a great last impression. All these techniques take practice. Accept that being a little more deferential, genuine, complimentary and vulnerable means putting yourself out there. Accept that at first it will feel risky. But don't worry. When you help people feel a little better about themselves, which is reason enough, they'll like you for it. And you'll like yourself a little more, too. Excerpts from an article by Jeff Haden BACK
7 Persuasion Techniques 1) Truth and justice are perfect. If a debate is lost, it is the fault of the losing speaker. 2) It is an excellent tool for teaching. 3) A good rhetorician needs to know how to argue both sides to understand the whole problem and all the options, and 4) There is no better way to defend yourself. While many people don't like to sell things, most find themselves having to persuade someone at some point. Persuasion can be a useful technique in the homeowner association setting. Whether it’s rule compliance, settling a dispute or getting someone to pay up, persuasion reduces confrontation. Here are seven things that the most persuasive people consistently do: 1. They Are Purposeful. Truly persuasive people have power and use it sparingly. They understand that most conversations do not require trying to get someone to do or accept something. Persuaders advocate an idea with power and persistence. 2. They Listen. Persuasion is only half the equation. You can't persuade effectively if you don't know the other side of the argument. Others assess how receptive you are to their point of view by how well you listen. Listen for objections which must be resolved. Listen for points of agreement which can be shaped into consensus. 3. They Create a Connection. You'll persuade people more easily if they are open and aligned with you. Persuasive people look for ways to help establish emotional bonds and shared objectives. They show empathy for your position and make it known that they are on your side. They wait for you to give them permission to advocate their approach. 4. They Acknowledge Credibility. Persuasive people value your opinion and will validate it. This makes it harder for you to dismiss their point of view. When you are persuading people, reinforce their credibility rather than dismiss them. Then they'll be more likely to pay you mutual respect in exchange and be more open to the merits of your view. 5. They Offer Satisfaction. Smart persuaders know that they don't have to win every battle to win the war. They give ground when they can and hold ground when it matters. Choose being successful over being right. 6. They Know When to Shut Up. Wearing people down is not an effective persuasion strategy. Persuaders carefully support their arguments and then they step back. In the words of sales trainer J. Douglas Edwards, "Whenever you ask a closing question, shut up. The first person who speaks, loses." 7. They Know When to Back Away. Urgency is the enemy of persuasion. Deep ideas require time and thought to take root. Great persuaders provide the space and time to carefully consider their position. They know that nothing is more powerful than you persuading yourself. That almost never occurs in the presence of the persuader. The next time you want to persuade someone of something truly important, follow these seven tips, make your case and walk away. If they aren’t persuaded, you were probably wasting your effort in the first place. By Kevin Daum BACK 7
Deadly Networking Sins Solution: Balance group messages by inviting personal responses of interest. Or, better, communicate one-on-one whenever possible.Envy. If you’re building yourself up at the expense of others by putting them down, your need for the spotlight will backfire. Don’t focus on what others have. Set your own goals based on what you have to offer, not what you seek to gain from them. Solution: Congratulate others on their successes instead of stewing on what you haven’t yet accomplished. Sloth. If your efforts border on the apathetic, you need to shape up, perhaps in more ways than one. A lack of drive and determination to exercise meaningful connections and capitalize on opportunities will only result in relationship atrophy. Solution: Schedule regular communication and be sure to engage when opportunity presents--most certainly at social gatherings. It may be drudgery as the start of any exercise regimen can be, but positive results will prove worth the time and effort. Each and every one of these sins is easy to fall prey to but just as easy to avoid. However, it does take conscious thought, determined actions and purpose of focus to realize optimal relationship value that rewards all parties all the time. There is no value in being unlikable. Generally speaking, the complete antidote to the seven deadly sins is nothing more than simply being nice to all people all the time. In fact, some experts estimate that simply being nice can result in a 30 to 40% increase in success over those people that are not nice. Who ever thought that simply being nice could pave your road to success? By Mike Muhney www.VIPOrbit.com BACK
New Years HOA Resolutions 1. I will follow the Golden Rule: Treat others as I
would like to be treated. The board can make mistakes but keep in mind that the board is composed of members just like you and working for free. Resolve to cut them some slack. By Kelly G. Richardson - Richardson Harman Ober PC
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Persistence of Perception Call it a persistence of perception. We
perceive what makes sense to us. We then develop beliefs and opinions around
what is consistent with what is already there in our heads. Anything that is
inconsistent with that image or contrary to our current ideas or thinking,
seems to go unnoticed or is consciously ignored, so that we may maintain that
continuous, uninterrupted picture of our world. From www.foundationsmag.com BACK
eNewsletters eNewsletters offer a number of really cool features that printed copy either can’t or would be very expensive to duplicate. They can include color for no extra charge so pictures, graphics and fonts can shine with chromatic intensity. The same feature for printed newsletters ratchets up the cost considerably. Text, graphics and pictures can be hyperlinked to the HOA’s website or other internet locations. Newsletter ads can be linked to the vendor’s website where the vendor can prattle on endlessly about the benefits of product or service. You can even add sound and video features to really jazz it up! eNewsletters can be delivered to the reader in a variety of ways: eNewsletters appear within the email message itself and include all the newsletter bells and whistles like fonts, color and graphics. Internet websites like www.ConstantContact.com offer customizable newsletter templates that are easy to use, track delivery and other ingenious features. PDF Newsletters convert word processing documents into a Portable Document Format (PDF) using Adobe Acrobat software. A companion software called Adobe Reader is available free at www.adobe.com to enable viewers to open PDF files. PDF newsletters can be mailed as attachments or posted on the HOA’s website. Word Processor or Publisher Software Newsletters. Both Word and WordPerfect have newsletter composing capability. There are also newsletter specific software like Microsoft Publisher that are layman friendly and come with templates and other helpful features. These files can be distributed as email attachments. When crafting the newsletter itself, there are a number of basic formatting recommendations: Use of Fonts. Use only a few different fonts and type sizes. Newsletters are commonly done in Times Roman (this article is written in Times Roman) and Arial which are easy to read. Choose one of these for your basic text and several of the thousands of others for titles. Use bold, italics and color sparingly and for emphasis only. Use Columns. Follow the example of magazines and newspapers by using two or three columns. Articles are much easier to read in that layout. Use Pictures & Graphics. Images make the newsletter more eye-catching. But keep the file size small (10-50k) so they don’t slow the load time for viewers that are still using dial up connections. Use Text Boxes. Text boxes are floating fields can be placed anywhere in the newsletter either lining up with columns or straddling them. The background can be shaded with color and the borders have a number of options. Getting the word out that the eNewsletter is available is a snap. Simply email to a distribution list that it is available either as an attachment or include a link to the newsletter’s location. It’s helpful to include a brief description of articles to woo better response. One obstacle to eNewsletters is delivering the goods to computer challenged members. But let’s face it, there is a high price associated with printed communications in both labor and hard costs. These costs often discourage newsletter production or reduce the frequency. Fortunately, there is no law that says newsletters, meeting minutes and other HOA communications (other than legal notices) need to be snail mailed. To encourage use of email delivery, why not give consenting members a credit of $25 a year? The HOA will save an unnecessary expense, reduce paper needs and the members that drive the savings enjoy the savings. If your newsletters are not all they could be, why not explore the fascinating world of online publishing? Dramatically lower the cost and production work while improving the quality of the product. This is good news indeed. BACK |
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