Communication Articles

Having Their Say
There is a thin line between opening board Meetings to guests and having those guests commandeer the show. While most guests are content to sit back and listen, others feel it’s their duty to pipe up on every subject and give their sage advice. You might even see their hand go up when the President asks for a vote. While maybe well intended (and maybe not), guests need to remain just that when attending a board meeting. This means only speaking when requested to speak.

One mechanism for letting guest members have their say is an Open Forum which is held just prior to the formal board meeting. But Open Forums need their ground rules. Some guests use them to soapbox, harangue and harass. The Open Forum is designed to allow members to express opinions, ask questions and petition the board in a civilized and orderly fashion. It’s up to the board president to lay down the rules in advance and cut folks short that violate the privilege.

A fifteen minute Open Forum is usually adequate to accommodate the few guests that attend. The president should ask upfront who would like to speak in the Open Forum. Not all do, so establishing the number is important. If three say "I do" than that means each is allotted five minutes. If there are four, that means about four minutes. Announce the time limit and have a board member keep time. The message conveyed to the guest speakers should be "Be brief and to the point. We want to hear what you have to say but have important board business on the agenda we also need to attend to."

The Open Forum is not designed to examine or debate complex issues or have the board actually vote on a guest’s petition. If the guest is bringing a matter of complexity to the board, it should be put on the agenda and dealt with properly. By so doing, the guest can have enough time to address the topic in the detail it merits and can expect a board verdict at the conclusion, unless the issue is tabled until the next meeting. Members need to understand this important difference. The board cannot (or shouldn’t) be making shoot-from-the-hip decisions on any subject that cannot be thoughtfully considered. An owner showing up at the Open Forum with an Architectural Change Request he wants approved so his contractor can start tomorrow is a prime example of something the board should never act on. Complex issues take time to study and reflect upon.

An important component of allowing members to attend board meetings is having enough room to actually have them attend. Holding board meetings in someone’s kitchen does not lend itself to guests. Hold them in a location that allows a reasonable number of guests and provide seating. Do not let them sit around the board table since this blurs the board authority and guest function. The board should face each other, not the guests. This configuration is important to maintain the Board nature of the meeting. A board facing an audience invites continuing interaction with the guests and makes it difficult to focus on the agenda.

The Open Forum is a privilege, not a bully pulpit. While a guest should be able to speak freely, it should be done with civility. If not, she should be asked to leave the meeting. Letting HOA members have their say is an extremely important facet of living in a homeowner association. Even if they rarely show up, always keep the door open and be prepared to accommodate them. BACK

HOA Extortion
There’s a gangster in the ‘hood. He’s rough, he’s tough and he’s gonna show the Board who’s boss. He’s holding his monthly assessment hostage to extort action from the HOA. It could be something he wants fixed or some rule he wants changed but regardless, no change is going to come until he’s satisfied.

This extortion technique is fairly common in homeowner associations. It usually comes up when an owner’s request for maintenance have been ignored. Sometimes it’s because of how the Board is doing business: secret meetings, abuse of power, poor or unequal rule enforcement. So there is a demand for change which often includes an element of righteous indignation. "I’m not gonna TAKE it anymore!"

Sometimes the excuse for the holdback is legitimate. Repeated maintenance requests have gone ignored. The roof has been leaking for weeks and damage is being done to their personal property. And that constant dripping!!! Or there’s been a junk car with flat tires and a growing oil slick parked in front of their unit for months and yet still no action. So, one morning, Mr. Irritated wakes up and says "Hey! I pay my fair share. If I can’t get service, I’m not paying any more!"

There are several courses of action that the Board can take. But first, keep in mind that anyone that has withheld money has already had the last straw broken and is not likely to be very cooperative. There’s going to be a certain level of resentment built up that must be overcome before communication can take place. Rather than write a letter or email, a personal phone call or visit is the best first step. This will address the feeling of being ignored. Express concern and get to the bottom of the problem. This is a fact finding mission so get the facts: dates, places, he saids and she saids. Keep notes. Then ask what exactly it will take to resolve the issue now. This is where it gets tricky. The answer you get may or may not be reasonable.

If the request is entirely reasonable, assure that steps will be taken to move it forward. Give a time line for getting the task done and ask that you be called personally if it isn’t. Ask that the assessment be brought up to date in the meantime so late fees aren’t incurred. Offer to waive any that may have already been assessed if the balance is resolved within 48 hours. This will allow a graceful way out and demonstrate that you sympathize.

If the request is not reasonable, not the HOA’s responsibility, not budgeted or planned, explain that to make sure that it’s understood. Maybe it has not been properly explained before. If it has and the response is "I could care less. I’m still not paying until it happens." then conclude the conversation by saying you understand what’s being requested but can’t accommodate the request for such and such reasons. Add that the request can be formally appealed to the Board but that withholding money could negatively affect the Board’s decision. Ask that the holdback be paid so late fees and collection costs aren’t added to the balance. Another scenario to consider. The holdback may be a cover up for a lost job or some other financial setback. That doesn’t justify it, but does throw a different light on the issue. Ask if there is something else, like a financial problem, that’s driving it. You might be surprised how often it is and, when caught off guard with your perception, an owner will ‘fess up. If this is the case, focus on the truth of the matter. If there is a financial problem, maybe there is an accommodation the Board can help.

Strong arm tactics to extort action from the HOA can be based in exasperation, a hidden agenda or a personal conflict. It’s important to understand the underlying motivation so that reasoned action can be taken. Getting to the bottom of it will help you make nice in the hood. BACK

Availed of Email
Email is an ideal way to transact many kinds of HOA business. Once used by a few, now it is a generally accepted way to communicate. When tied to an HOA website, it provides a conduit to transmit requests and information quickly and cheaply. So, it is not only the most efficient way of moving information, it can significantly reduce the cost of copies, office supplies, postage and the labor to assemble those snail mailings. Email can be used for:

Information Requests
Maintenance Requests
Polling the Members
New Policy & Rule Review
Sale Closing Requests
Meeting Minutes Distribution
Newsletters
Meeting Notices
Invitations to Social Events

In addition to all the forms of communication it can handle, it provides a record of who, what and when. Requests can be screened, sorted and forwarded to the right person for execution. Clearly, there are many compelling reasons to make email the standard for HOA communications.

As with any form of communication, there is protocol that should be followed for it to be "all that it can be". Here are some email basics to put zing in the thing:

Proofread and correct spelling and grammar before sending. This demonstrates attention to detail and caring.
DON'T TYPE IN ALL CAPS. It is perceived as shouting or anger.
Refrain from underlining words since this is internet protocol for hyperlinks. Instead, use bold and italics, but use them sparingly and for emphasis only.
Don't cut or copy and paste documents from your word processing program into emails. Certain fonts, characters and formatting are lost or corrupted in transit.
Instead, send the original document as an attachment. Avoid attaching files over 100 Kb (kilobytes) since many email services have Inbox capacity restrictions or the recipient may have a slow modem and have difficulty opening the file. Or, post the information on the HOA’s website (You do have one don’t you? See our HOA Websites section) and provide the link in the email, like www.nottacare.org/minutes.htm.

Archive "keeper" emails in logically named folders on your computer instead massing them in your Inbox or Sent Items folder.
Consider carefully what you write and to who you send it. Emails have a nasty habit of finding their way to people you did not intend. Be clear to the recipient if an email is for "Your Eyes Only". As a rule, don’t write something about someone that you wouldn’t say to their face. The rumor mill delights in using such for grist and it will come back to haunt you.
Write descriptive subject lines that will be familiar to the recipient. Increasing levels of junk email (spam) cause many to delete emails that have no Subject or a Subject that looks undesirable.
If you forward a message, preface it with personal comments and ask for feedback. That way, it looks personalized rather than mass emailed.
When forwarding or sending to multiple recipients, list only one of them in the To line and the rest in the Bcc (Blind carbon copy) line. That way, each recipient will get a personalized email without disclosing the entire list to every recipient. This makes it look personalized and protects recipient privacy as well.
Save commonly used email addresses in your Address Book. Use your Address Book to compile Distribution Lists like HOA Board or HOA Members. That way, selecting the list and placing it in the Bcc line has the same effect as selecting addresses one by one. It’s a great time saver.
Delete all dated, no longer needed, duplicate or reply emails to free up hard drive storage space.
When replying, carefully select either Reply or Reply to All depending on your intent. If your message is intended for one, don’t bother every one.

Lack of communication is one of the bugaboos many HOA members complain of. To cure that, email is a godsend to HOAs. It not only significantly reduces cost and labor, it improves efficiency and frequency of communication. Isn’t it well nigh time you availed yourself of email? BACK

Mind Bending
Money. There is never enough of it and homeowner association Boards often struggle to get the membership to ante up enough to take care of common assets which often include the members’ own homes. You’d think protecting one’s own property would be natural. But in HOAs where the Board controls member assets, it’s often a point of contention. Tight fisted members challenge efforts to raise homeowner fees so adequate maintenance can take place. Consequently, the assets deteriorate and the members experience declining market values, livability and unhappiness. Illogical you say?

There are several reasons members resist what is in their own best interest. These reasons often underlie other areas in their lives so don’t take it personally. Just recognize that facts and logic are secondary with some people. Consider:

Mistrust This feeling often runs deep. For this person, a Board that communicates poorly or dictatorially invites challenge. If there is a long history of this, resistance to money proposals, rules and policies is almost automatic.

Inflexibility If the HOA has maintained no or low reserves since the beginning, getting the members to change is difficult. Like turning a barge, the process must begin early with a firm hand on the controls to ensure the HOA changes direction. Recognizing the natural resistance to change and plotting a gradual course of correction gradually woos support.

Peter Pannism HOAs are marketed as a way to reduce cost of living and home maintenance (called "carefree" by developers and real estate agents). But carefree doesn’t come free. It just means that someone else handles it for you. The Board often discovers that "someone" is the Board and asking for money to get the job done is an insult. This thinking is best summed up, "The HOA can’t afford (reserves, manager, landscape contractor, pool contractor, etc.) but I personally don’t want to do any of it myself."

Intractability Even the most successful Board lobbying effort battles some opposition to the bitter end. Some just refuse to cooperate. That’s human nature. As long as the majority come around, you’ve succeeded. The biggest critics often become the staunchest supporters once the Board has proven successful.

Fear & Trust Some fear what tomorrow will bring and need a higher degree reassurance. These folks make decisions slowly or not at all for fear of making the wrong one. They rely heavily on those they trust. This is a great responsibility for those that accept it. For the HOA Board, this means making informed decisions and treating seriously the trust that has been given to you.

Even though these mindsets are largely emotional, they are very real and don’t go away. They must be overcome for the Board to move business along. It’s the "people" aspect of the HOA business. These people are the HOA’s customers and if they aren’t buying, business comes to a standstill. Persuasiveness through patience, planning, and prodding. It’s a mind bending experience. BACK

Specificity Principle
When you make specific statements, a listener will either fully understand or reject what you say. When you make non-specific statements, a listener will fill in the gaps.

When we are specific in what we say, we seek to remove ambiguity, communicating completely and precisely. Specific language uses words that have single meaning and uses complete sentences, leaving nothing to the imagination. When we use specific statements, the other person will assess the alignment of what we say with what they believe. If they do not match, then they may well reject what we say. They may not only reject one part of our argument but everything else we say.

The more specific we are, the greater the opportunity for rejection. The reverse is also true: the more general, uncertain and vague we are, the more difficult it is to reject or deny what we say.

When we are given non-specific statements, we will try to clarify these, making them more specific. Consider this simple sentence: There is a need for good work. In this sentence, it is not clear what the need is, what the work is, who needs it (and why), who will do the work and so on. Yet it is a valid statement and grammatically correct. To make specific sense of it, however, we need to make assumptions and add further detail, substituting our own specificity for the lack of clarity in the statement.

When things are vague, there is a lack of closure. The need for completion will cause the listener to add further elements to complete a story that makes full sense. For example, when you talk about other people, and particularly when you talk generally about them, the other person will substitute themselves into the story.

When you want to get clear and specific communications to people, use clear and exact language. Then question them carefully to check that they have fully understood. To get someone to accept without question what you are saying, talk in vague, general terms which the other person can clarify into their own specific circumstances. Leave out who does things, what they do, how they do it, what happens as a result and so on. The other person will fill in to best fit their situation.

When others are non-specific, question them more closely, probing for further detail. Look at what they omit and what they assume.

For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK

Substitution Principle
Whenever we hear or experience a story in which we feel empathy towards characters in the story. As a part of that empathy experience, we put ourselves in the shoes of the other person, associating and identifying with them, seeing through their eyes and feeling something of their emotions.

Thus we substitute ourselves as other people in specific situations, and in doing so take on the broader characteristics, beliefs and values of those people.

"Teaching tales" are story forms that seek to create learning, often through getting the reader to associate with lead characters. Such stories are much easier to accept than teaching by telling the person what to do, as it allows them to save face.

Create stories, sentences and situations into which people are encouraged to put themselves. Do this with generalized statements about people or using sympathetic characters with whom the other person will identify.

Substitute a friend into a story, explaining to that person how what they have done, are doing or will do, is similar to the story person. This binds the two together. Then tell more about the story person and about what they did that failed and what they did that worked.

For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK

Surviving an HOA
Communication is a lost art in some HOAs due to lack of basic people skills. Board members often get more criticism than praise. Then, along comes an abusive owner who makes unreasonable demands. But it works both ways, because sometimes it's an owner that suffers at the hands of a domineering board.

The term "communication" denotes a form of fellowship. However, if you believe the media, HOAs are police states with warlord boards. While there is an element of truth in the stories, they are published to stir emotion (like "Elderly Owner Has Condo Foreclosed").

Often as not, homeowners with a "my-home-is-my-castle" mentality disregard rules and regulations to challenge the HOA. Boards that are confronted by these challenges can react with defiance. Anger begets defensiveness, which invites retreat or counter attack.

Few boards have the ability to communicate artfully. This art includes reining in outspoken directors, negotiating with vendors, helping unruffle the feathers of feuding neighbors and enacting rules that invite compliance rather than defiance.

What is communication? According to Webster's, "communication" is "to have or hold intercourse or interchange of thoughts; to give, or give and receive, information, signals or messages in any way, as by talk, gestures, writing, etc." Here are some tips to improve HOA communications:

Take a class on dealing with difficult people. These are offered through various sources, such as local community colleges, where mediation skills are taught, web courses and books in the local library.
Learn active listening. This is actually listening and paying attention when a person is talking to you. This technique doesn't mean that you agree or disagree with what is being said; it simply lets them know that you hear them.
Learn how to release the pressure. Visualize an angry person like a balloon that is blown up to its maximum. It can't take any more pressure without popping. Now imagine letting some of that air out by listening to a belligerent person for a few minutes. Once people feel like they have "had their say," the more open they are to receiving ideas and compromising.
Don't form assumptions about right or wrong. If you already have your mind made up, compromise is more difficult.
Respond to communications in a business like way and without anger. Ignoring communications from an owner who has an ax to grind often leads to more and stronger demands and possibly personal attacks.
Count to ten. Take a walk, a break or a breather before you react. Answers given in anger rarely solve the issue and usually make the situation worse.

The art of surviving each other in an HOA environment has long term benefits which can help grow neighbors and friendships. This is an art worth perfecting, especially if you are in a position of leadership and authority.

Excerpts from an article by Beth A. Grimm, Esq. BACK

Tension Principle
Tension is probably the fundamental driving force that moves us to change. Think of the "good cop-bad cop" routine. What about all those retail displays that show you the things you don't have? How about babies crying in a pitch that nature has tuned to crawl up your spine?

Tension is a feeling. Although usually internally sensed as an emotion, it actually is physical tension and muscles tense up involuntarily. It is uncomfortable and makes you want to do something to reduce the tension. Emotions that are felt as tension include: irritation, anger, fear, emptiness, hunger, longing, wishing, discomfort, anticipation.

Tension happens between two things, like the hooks at either end of a stretched rubber band, such as:

~What I don’t have and what I want.
~What I like and what I do not like.
~What is good and what is bad.
~What I think of myself and what others think of me.
~What I do and what I believe I am.

The most common things that cause tension are based in the present and in the future where a given future is considered more desirable than the present and the desirable future requires us to change the present. For example, the action to change not having a car is to go out and buy one.

As needs are programmed into our nature, they will often be the most powerful gaps and the most motivating. When there are many tension-creating gaps, needs gaps will take precedence. Likewise, when there are many needs gaps, then the deeper needs will come first.

Values Gap. Values provide us rules for living that maintain our sense of personal integrity and allow us to live within the shared rules of a group. Values tell us what we should and should not do, what is right and wrong, and what is more or less important.

When values are transgressed, we feel a sense of wrongness. If it is others who have violated the values, then we feel righteous, superior and indignant. When it is we who have wronged, then we feel shamed, guilty and fear the retribution of others in the group.

As we are very socially driven, values gaps are very powerful and the tension we feel may only be exceeded by that for needs gaps.

Goals Gap. We build our goals as ways to achieve our needs. When we do not achieve goals as expected or seem to be off-track, we feel frustrated and annoyed. The typical response to a goals gap is to redouble efforts. For example, most people when confronted with a foreigner who does not understand them will repeat the same words louder or slower. Only when the do-it-again approach does not work do we change the strategy or tactics to achieve our goals. We only revise our goals when we realize that there is very little chance of us achieving them. Revising goals creates tension itself as it is an admission of failure.

Tension can be both positive and negative for us. There are many ways we can be made to feel uncomfortable, but there are also ways in which discomfort can be pleasant such as riding on roller-coasters. It is also possible to get positive and negative tension mixed up. People can get stuck in damaging cycles, such as battered spouses who become addicted to the abuse.

We respond in two ways to tension, depending on how we view the two factors that are creating the tension. If we focus more strongly on a desirable future then this will pull us towards it as we seek to achieve that future. On the other hand, if we focus first on the undesirable present, they this has the effect to push us away from it as we seek to avoid a future where the discomfort remains.

Anticipation can be a powerful and exciting force. We look forward to expected moments of pleasure. In fact, the anticipation can be more enjoyable than the actual experience. "It is better to travel hopefully than to arrive" wrote Robert Louis Stephenson.

So once you have create sufficient trust, build the tension that will create movement. Find the two things that will create tension, often around an uncomfortable present and a more desirable future. Understand how, when and where the person will move and design your tensions system to move them in the right direction.

For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK

Surprise Principle
One way we manage the world is to make an educated guess as to what comes next and then see if we were right. This constant forecasting process allows us to make the right decision what to do next. Surprise happens when what happens does not match what we forecast would happen.

Nasty Surprises. When what we expect is more than what happens in reality, we are disappointed. And the more we expect and the further away reality is from our expectations, the nastier the surprise. Our emotional reaction to a nasty surprise can range from a mild disappointment to deep shock. Emotional ripples can spread further, with seething resentment and vengeance sought against the perpetrators of the surprise. Generally speaking, nasty surprises will evoke the fight or flight reaction.

Nice Surprises. When reality exceeds our expectations, we are pleasantly surprised. A warm glow spreads across us. We feel lucky or honored. When the reality is far from expectations, our legs can weaken as the disbelief of shock affects us. You see this in TV shows where prize winners almost collapse with delight. It is actually possible for a nice surprise to backfire and turn into a nasty surprise, for example when the recipient feels they are being manipulated or when the sense of obligation is felt to be excessive.

Neutral Surprises. As Freud said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes a surprise is just surprising. When a person falls over in front of us or a news item tells of snowstorm in summer, we are surprised, but find it neither nice nor nasty.

A common response to surprises that do not directly affect us is laughter. Humor is a strange thing, but seems to be a response to unexpected events which is probably why jokes are only funny the first time we hear them.

When our forecast does not meet reality, we may be surprised this time, but we won't be caught out next time! So we change our forecasting to account for the new things we have learned about how the world works. When we change our forecasting, we seldom do it by changing the actual process. Instead, we change such things as our models of how the world works, and our beliefs about ourselves and other people.

"Well, I'm not surprised!" is a common retort by people to whom all kinds of surprisingly different things happen. A simple way we avoid embarrassment is to pretend that we are not surprised, and that we had expected the surprising event to happen after all. The danger of denial is that we are so good at it that we convince ourselves that we were not surprised and so don't change!

So manage the surprises. If the other person is surprised, it should be because you want them to be. It should be because you have a pretty good idea as to how they are going to react to the surprise. Managing their expectations means:

Understand what their current expectations are.
Understand how they predict the future, including their mental models and beliefs around the area of interest.
Subtly guiding their expectations.
Creating a reality that is different from what they expect.
Use nasty surprises to move people. Nasty surprises can be used to shake people out of a complacent state. When they are clinging to their current comfortable position and refusing to see another point of view, a short shock can be effective at awakening them from their slumbers.

Use nasty surprises with care. A fight reaction can easily get out of control and a flight reaction can make them run away from you. Play the bearer of bad news, but beware of being that bad news. You can create nasty surprises by:

Telling them they cannot have what they want.
Shouting at them when you are normally timid.
Telling them the awful truth.

Nice surprises lead to exchange. Nice surprises will predispose the other person towards you, setting up the exchange effect. Make them feel good and they'll be happy to return the favor. You can create nice surprises by:

Promising them something, then giving them more than promised.
Not promising them anything, just giving them something pleasant.
Praising them.

Neutral surprises lead to interest. You can intrigue people by being, saying or doing something different. A neutral surprise can be an effective hook that pulls people in, leaving them wanting more. You can create neutral surprises by:

Being different from other people.
Being different from how you normally are.
Being different from what they expect.

Be humorous or otherwise cause a surprise that grabs their attention

For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK