Communication Articles

Assumption Principle
If I act as if something is true, then other people around me have two choices. They can either assume I am lying or assume that I am telling the truth.

Generally, we assume people are telling the truth unless we have already decided that we distrust them. Associated with this we have beliefs in the trustworthy nature of other people. Thus a decision that the other person is lying would cause us dissonance so we assume they are telling the truth.

This is the principle of the Emperor's New Clothes. The false weavers, the Emperor and all except the small boy were playing a big game of "as if". It is also the principle used in management where a leader "has a vision and then inhabits it until it comes true".

Assumption is a part of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy where your belief in something leads to it coming true. Not magically, but through the conscious and subconscious actions in which you consequently engage.

So what? Act "as if" what you want was true. If the other person challenges it or acts confused, be concerned for them. The "assumptive close" of selling assumes the other person already wants to buy, so you say something like "Do you want the yellow one or the red one?"

From www.ChangingMinds.org BACK

Attention Principle
The one thing we all have is the same amount of time. Changing someone's mind means first getting a slice of their time and attention. You can do this in positive and negative ways by showing opportunities or threats to the other person's needs or goals. Intrigue plays an important part here, hinting at the possibility of gains. By showing the other person something that leads to them associating with their needs and goals, they will be attracted to pay more attention.

Threat. Threat creates fear by attacking needs. Something that is perceived as a threat will also grab attention, especially if it is a "clear and present danger". This can be easy to create, but the problem, of course, is that it can put the other person into Fight-or-Flight mode. Also, it can create future distrust and giving you even less attention if it turns out to be a false alarm. Threats must thus be real and not manufactured by you. A classic threat generation is to point out something that is already there that the other person has not noticed.

Sensory Contrast. At the basic sensory level, attention may be gained by sudden changes, such as sudden noises or flashes of light. What is particularly important here is the change. The senses are good at detecting contrasting differences, which can be used to make things stand out and hence gain attention.

So what? First figure out what attention you need and then decide on the most effective way of getting it. Beware of tricking them to grab attention, because you'll get even less next time--perhaps when you need it even more.

For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK

Wordsmithing
Communication is both a skill and an art form. When babies cry, the motivation is to get their needs met. Meeting the needs of others is nowhere in a baby’s method. While infant communication is primitive, it is highly effective. A crying baby gets fed, diapers changed, burped, etc. With maturity and training comes more sophisticated and usually less self-serving ways to communicate. Homeowner associations are charged with communicating with the members. The reasons for communicating vary including:

Socialization. As moderns become more isolated from each other, the need to find connecting points becomes more important. HOAs can provide a platform to coax members out of their isolation by offering volunteer opportunities and social functions. Introducing the members to new residents through newsletters grooms the connections as well. A Welcoming Committee not only provides the human touch, it can provide early warning about important HOA rules and regulations so that newcomers don’t inadvertently get crosswise with the HOA from the get go.

Paying the Bills. There are few things more immediate and urgent than collecting HOA fees. Without money, HOA services suffer or are curtailed. Without money, maintenance lags and property values drop. So, getting 100% payment compliance is extremely important. While the hope is that it is done voluntarily, sometimes it must be coerced by legal means. But even when lawyers are brought into the matter, a carefully worded demand letter can produce quick results.

Getting Compliance. Every HOA has rules. Hopefully, those rules are few, necessary and not overly intrusive irritations. When a rule is made, explaining the need for it and the goal in having it can go a long way to encouraging compliance rather than defiance. Whenever a rule is being contemplated, the board should always, always, always solicit member input. This tactic reduces the likelihood of challenge.

Communication comes in many shapes and sizes. The common ones include signs, newsletters, meeting minutes, postings, e-mails and the HOA’s website. These communications can have a variety of meanings: to inform, to warn (rule violations), to invite (summer social) and to congratulate (kudos for a job well done).

The more the words, the less the meaning. When it comes to effective communication, less is more. Choose words thoughtfully. Use words economically. This takes thought. In conversation, many words are used to test impact on the listener. So, in conversation, it’s not uncommon for the same thing to be repeated with different words in an effort to embellish or give greater impact to the meaning being conveyed. If folks write the way they talk, their writings, would rarely get to read because they are an unending ramble. Without a careful selection of words, communications can be misinterpreted or ignored.

So, effective writing requires careful thought because "an arrow, once loosed, cannot be retrieved". Words have both strengths and weaknesses. One weakness of the written word is that it may be read by an unintended audience which doesn’t have the background the writer needs to be understood. Another pitfall is that some of the audience may be prejudiced against the writer and refuse to understand the communication the way it’s intended. These folks will actually take the message, add their own spin and circulate the "real story". A war of words ensues. The time and emotional energy it takes for damage control may discourage future communication altogether.

As it is written, "In the beginning, there was the Word." Words are with us forever. It’s what we do with those words that make all the difference. Like blacksmithing, wordsmithing takes hammering and shaping before the whole thought can take shape. BACK

Trust Principle
Trust is the basic unit of social glue that enables us interact without fear. I will trust and work with people who do not harm me.

A person can be passive or active in your approach to harm. Passive no-harm is when you do not actively or deliberately act to harm me. However, you might still stand by and let others harm me, so active no-harm is where you act positively to protect me from harm. Of course, I will trust a active protector even more than a passive 'no harm' friend.

If you always do what you say you are going to do, it makes your behavior very predictable, which means I can feel even safer around you. It also means that if I ask you do something I do not need to keep checking up on you.

I do not know everything and may lean on your expertise. If you always tell me the truth then I know that I can rely on what you say and not have to do any further checking up.

Truth and reliability also extend to the whole notion of 'integrity', where a person is true to their values and follows common social norms.

So what does all this mean? If I trust you, I will accept what you say as true and expose my vulnerabilities to you. Build trust by:

Doing no harm and actively seek to protect people, demonstrating that you care about them personally.
Managing expectations and always keeping your promises.
Always telling the truth and actively maintaining your reputation for integrity.

For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK

Authority Principle
If a policeman came up to you in the street and told you to move out of the street, would you go? What if he said you fitted the description of someone who was wanted for burglary, and that you should go with them to clear this up, would you go?

In fact, most people would obey unquestioningly, which is a fact well known by con men. We see the uniform and never dream to question the possibility that the policeman may not, in fact, be a policeman.

The double bind of authority is that not only are we compelled to obey it, but we are not even permitted to challenge it. This makes it a very powerful persuasion principle. There are several hierarchies of control:

Basic conditioning. From a very young age, we are trained to obey. First our parents (and by default all adults), then teachers, policemen, managers and so on. Eventually it defaults to anyone who seems to be our superior.

We thus divide the world into those who are superior to us (and who are thus to be obeyed) and those who are inferior (and who should obey us). We then make the critical error of equating superiority with authority.

Control and trust. The basic pact between parents and children, policemen and citizens, managers and employees is one of trust and control. We all have a need for a sense of control, which can be gained in two ways: We can either control things ourselves or we can trust someone else to provide the control for us. One implicit message of authority is thus "Don't worry, everything is under control".

The reciprocal agreement. There is a tacit reciprocal agreement in situations of ceded authority that happens in two ways. In a coercive sense, a suppressed threat to use force leads us to give control. In the nurturing sense, we promise the rewards of love. Either way, obedience is gained through a promise of future action.

Indicators of authority. How do we know when someone else is in a position of authority? Other than known people like parents and managers, here are some deliberate cues set up to remind us of who is in charge.

Uniforms. Uniforms are very overt symbols of authority. They show membership of and allegiance to specific groups. Mostly, we associate uniforms with police and military forces. We also stretch the authority-acceptance to security guards, postmen and more. What the uniform covertly says is, "I belong to a big and well organized group. If you don't do as I say, I'll get all my other friends to come and beat you up!".

Wealth. We assume that if someone is wealthy, then they are successful, and if they are more successful than us, then they must somehow be superior to us. We hurry to help and obey those who seem richer than us, perhaps also in the hope that some of their wealth will fall our way.

Symbols of Power. Symbols of power are used to attract people (join my gang and I'll protect you) or bully people (join my gang or I'll hurt you). Symbols can include weapons, wealth and the trappings of a recognized position. Leaders and senior members of organizations all use symbols to remind other people of their power, from stripes on a sergeant's arm to the size of an executive office.

Physical Attributes. A taller, stronger person could hurt us, and our programming tells us to play safe. We tend to yield to such people, even though our social rules protect us from physical harm in most situations. It is a fact that more top jobs in companies are taken by taller people. Taller men and taller women are seen by most of us as being more authoritative. There is also a reciprocal effect: we will perceive people in authority to be taller than they really are. Thus we talk about someone who is "Walking tall".

Attitude. If you act like you're in charge, many people will not challenge you. You will be protected by the double bind whereby they feel unable to challenge you, just in case you are in charge.

So what? Dress smartly. Drive an executive car. Talk like you are in charge. You can also leverage vested authority, for example pointing out how those in authority have given you their blessing. The reverse of this is to gain time by pointing out that you do not have authority to decide now and need to consult your superiors or other the members of your team.

A double reverse is to build up the sense of authority of the other person so they have no excuse not to decide here and now.

For more persuasion principles, see www.ChangingMinds.org BACK