Communication Articles
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"Used with permission from Regenesis.net"

There are many opportunities for any leader to bear witness to these truths. For example, how do you handle irate phone calls from community members? Do you listen or counterpunch? At meetings, do you pontificate or do you act as a catalyst to productive discussion? If challenged, do you respond with anger or sincere concern? Does pride bring out the worst or best in you?

Community leaders are not expected to have all the answers. If you have nothing to say, don’t say it! Often, silence is the most effective form of wisdom. Silence allows a fool’s challenge to echo in his ears. That echo may just be the most effective answer. Silence is a sign of wisdom.  BACK

The Truth and Nothing But
Pepe, a notorious bank robber, regularly robbed Texas banks, returning to Mexico before the Texas Rangers could catch him. The Rangers illegally crossed the border into Mexico and cornered Pepe in a bar. Since Pepe couldn't speak English, the bartender was asked to translate. With guns drawn, they told the bartender to ask Pepe where he had hidden the stolen loot. "Tell him that if he doesn't tell us, we'll shoot him dead where he stands!"

The bartender translated and Pepe hastily explained in Spanish that the money was hidden in the town well, seventeen stones down from the handle. The bartender then turned to the Rangers and said in English, "Pepe says that you are a bunch of stinking pigs, and he is not afraid to die!"

Truth sometimes gets lost in the translation. Secondhand information may or may not be true. Discernment is the key. Make sure that information that you receive and communicate to others is the truth and nothing but. Remember, the difference between the truth and a lie is that a liar needs a better memory.   BACK

The Art of Tact
One of the greatest challenges for leaders of a community association is to treat adversarial members with kindness and respect. In certain communities where verbal bullets frequently fly, holding the tongue can be difficult. For leadership to maintain its position, however, the maturity demonstrated by tact can be the deciding factor in power struggles.

Charles Swindoll in his book Come Before Winter notes that tact is "the saving virtue". He goes on to say, "Tact graces a life like fragrance graces a rose. One whiff of those red petals erases any memory of the thorns....It’s remarkable how peaceful and pleasant it can make us. Its major goal is avoiding unnecessary offense...Its basic function is a keen sense of what to say or do in order to maintain the truth and relationships...It is incessantly appropriate, invariably attractive, incurably appealing, but rare..."

Proverbs 18:19 advises, "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle" Solomon wrote, "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer." And other equally insightful proverbs note, "The tongue of the wise brings healing" and " a man has joy in an apt answer and how delightful is a timely word."

Who in your community do you have a difficult time communicating with? Could it be that your "brutal honesty" is more brutal than honest? Look for opportunities to forge consensus rather than being right. There’s no doubt about it, tact is a virtue that promotes harmony and the positive leadership role of every board, committee member and manager.   BACK

Working the World Wide Web
The Internet is the fastest growing communication and information resource the world has ever seen. There are literally millions of websites that provide information on subjects only limited by your imagination. For a homeowner association, the possibilities are equally limitless. 

The cyber world of the Web offers rare opportunities.  Here are some ideas:

Build an Association Website A community calendar, governing documents (sometimes called CC&Rs or Covenants, Conditions and Restrictions), budgets,  meeting minutes, community handbooks, rules & regulations, newsletters and other items of interest to your community can be posted there.  All these items can be made available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to owners, real estate agents, lenders, title companies, prospective buyers or anyone else that has a need to know.  Just think of the time and cost savings to the association by eliminating the need to duplicate piles of documents! Instead, when documents are requested, you simply direct them to the association website and let them copy or print out whatever they want, when they want it!  The cost of designing and maintaining a website is very modest and there are a number of companies that specialize in association websites.  In every metropolitan area, there are a variety of ISPs - lnternet Service Providers that will host your website for under $50 a month which includes email service for the board members and property manager.  This one is just too good to pass up.

Improve Association Communications   The website is an efficient way to communicate meeting agendas, to survey the community, get feedback and to place maintenance requests. Whether an owner is resident or out of state, communications are fast.  And with an e-mail network, all directors, property managers and committee members can receive communications simultaneously.

Free Web Access  If you want to consider these options and currently don't have Internet access, your local library probably does.  There are even helpful folks to show you how to use it. Check it out!

When it comes to communication and information storage and transmission, there is nothing faster and cheaper than the Web.  Since the dream of homeowner associations is "carefree living", take advantage of what the Web has to offer and your association will come closer to the dream.  BACK

Test of Diplomacy
Diplomacy can mean the difference between a friendly resolution or all out war. Are you diplomatic when dealing with community members? Take this test to find out:

1. Can you communicate clearly that your thoughts are opinions, not facts?
2. Do you avoid confrontation with those you're most inclined to argue with?
3. Do you hear the other person out before formulating a reply?
4. Can you find common ground with another person's position?
5. Can you reinforce your views with facts, instead of raw emotion?
6. Do you avoid making sarcastic remarks?
7. Can you keep your cool under fire?
8. Do you truly believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion?
9. Do you take pride in the battles that you successfully avoided?
10. Do you think others may offer a better solution than those yours?

How did you do? A score of seven or more "Yes" answers indicates that you can be diplomatic. Since none of these questions asks the impossible, a score of six or below probably indicates that you place "being right" above teamwork, cooperation, and mutual respect. Standing up for what you believe in can be seen as a desirable trait, but not when it gets in the way of your community's progress. If you're having problems dealing with community members, learn from this test. You've got the ability and the positive results will be amazing to all, including yourself!   BACK

Dealing with Difficult People
Dealing with difficult people in any setting can be a real challenge. But in volunteer-based community associations, where there is none of the leverage managers have with employees, there is an entirely new level of difficulty. And, believe it or not, a new level of opportunity. The key is common interest.

Where we live means a lot more to us than any other physical environment. Our territoriality buttons are more easily pushed. Our investment is greater. We can easily get defensive of our personal space and quickly lose sight of community issues. It’s worth recognizing that, to one degree or another, we all have this in common. What unites us seems to divide us and vice versa. In a community association we are challenged to balance our individual and collective needs.

Most of us believe it’s a good thing to work toward achieving that balance, but some people seem oblivious to it. And some people seem downright determined to undermine it. It’s easy to imagine that the folks who obstruct or dismantle our meetings have malicious intent, or at least thoughtless disregard.

Why are some people so difficult? Because they learned how -- and because they didn’t learn how not to. The seriously difficult person is significantly dis-inhibited. He or she didn’t learn the typical social inhibitors that make for balanced exchanges. Most of us know how to "make nice," even when we don’t much want to. Some people simply don’t know how.

We can name some of the more difficult behaviors and we can speculate about what motivates them. In general, fear is the prime motivator. Extremely difficult people are extremely dis-inhibited in their response to fear.

Terrorist Behavior literally holds a group hostage. In extreme cases, this includes streams of abusive language, threats or emotional outbursts (yelling, crying, banging). There is frequently a relentless nature to all of this, so it's clear to the group that nothing else stands a chance of going on.

Aggressive Behavior is domineering, offensive, in-your-face and is easily triggered. In fact, the threat of aggression hangs over the group and creates an underlying tension. This behavior is more controlled than the first category in that it is less all-over-the-map and probably more directed at individuals than at the entire group.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior avoids full-blown confrontation but strikes out covertly. Hidden agendas and character assassination attempt to sabotage normal, above-board group process and interaction.

Unyielding Behavior is unable or unwilling to set a past issue aside. The issue or emotion keeps coming up, even when the subject is different and the cast of characters has changed. Everything is referenced to an unresolved past. While this behavior is less invasive and threatening than those above, its continued presence is an energy drain and source of frustration.

Persecuted Behavior is the victim response -- blaming, whining and complaining. Although most of us enjoy complaining and grousing about things from time to time, persecuted behavior stems from a non-stop, perennial point of view. And since the victim perspective predominates, it s easy for your group to join the list of persecutors.

Polarity Response is a behavior unfamiliar in name but not in most everyone’s experience. Whatever the issue or opinion, the polarity responder takes the opposite view. Disagreement is automatic. This can include and goes past the devil’s advocate role some people take on in groups. Most polarity responders seem unaware of their behavior and its impact on others.

What can you do? While you were reading the descriptions above you were probably thinking of specific examples from your own experience, and that may have left you wondering what you can do to stay focused and flexible in the face of such behavior. That’s not surprising. A change of focus is in order. Here are five things you can do

1. Notice your response. Is the behavior one that really "pushes your buttons"? Your first step is to consider what‘s going on with you in this unpleasant situation. Be responsible for your own reactions -- after all, that’s one of the things you wish that difficult person would do.

2. Change what you’re doing. Since you can’t really change someone else, change what you can. The results can be surprising and rewarding. First of all, it shifts you from being at the mercy of the situation. As soon as you begin to consider exercising new options, you step out of the problem frame and onto a larger canvas. This re-framing is an important shift in perspective.

3. Ask the person "What do you want?" You may think you know but you may learn a few things you didn’t know by asking. Of course, it’s hard to ask the question after things have spiraled out of control. Hopefully you can find a good time to ask, because it’s the ideal starting point for building rapport and trust.

4. Focus on outcomes. Your group needs to ask itself the "What do you want?" question. Spend whatever time it takes to generate a set of goals and objectives as well as how to meet them. Now comes the really important part of this formula (in bold italics): Once you have specified your outcomes, decide what behaviors will support getting them like: Patience. Assuming Positive Intent. Willingness to Listen. Generate your list of behaviors during meetings in a conspicuous place. This will be a great reminder for even the positive contributors in the group. And when the negative behaviors erupt, you can point to the list, not at the person. Stay focused on what you want. If the difficult person is unwilling to change behavior, you will also need to specify how the group will respond.

5. Consider alternatives. What will you do if the difficult behavior persists? One option could be to take a five minute break. (This is sort of like pushing the group re-set button). During the break, clarify for the difficult person what the goals for the meeting are and which behaviors support those goals. Then state what the next step will be if the difficulties arise again. Be prepared to quickly adjourn your meeting if the behaviors continue. For the extreme behaviors, it may be the only useful choice. Consistently applied, it will send the message that certain behaviors aren’t acceptable.

Common interests are the basis for improving cooperation. The more clearly you identify how your interests overlap and become shared, the stronger you’ll be in your response to the whole range of difficult behaviors. By Ken Roffmann   BACK

Avoiding an Argument
Robert H. Schuller in his book, "Move Ahead with Possibility Thinking" identifies a number of ways to dodge a debate and forge consensus in your community. Often, the major complaint is that people don’t feel they are being heard. Many of the following suggestions will address that issue and encourage opponents to become supporters:

1. Welcome disagreement. Remember, when two partners always agree, one isn’t necessary. Be thankful that some point is brought to your attention. It might prevent you from making a critical mistake.
2. Suppress your natural instinct to become defensive. Defensiveness create walls that promote conflict.
3. Control your temper. The size of a person is measured by what causes anger.
4. Allow others to speak uninterrupted. Listen politely and don’t debate.
5. Look for areas of agreement. Discuss these points first to encourage supportive communication.
6. Promise to carefully consider opinions offered and mean it. Upon reflection, there may be merit to the suggestions that you didn’t see before.
7. Be honest. Admit when you are wrong to lower defensiveness in your opponent.
8. Thank the person for the input. Anyone that takes the time to disagree is interested in the same thing you are. Imagine that person as someone that wants to help.
9. Pray for guidance.
10. Postpone fuller discussion to give all parties time to think through the issues. BACK

Lay Out The Welcome Mat
One of the best ways to recruit board and committee members is to have a standing Welcoming Committee to greet new owners. Since moving ranks way up there in life’s most stressful experiences, a smiling face at the door can only bring relief. It provides an opportunity for developing new friendships and networks. Besides being the neighborly thing to do, just consider the practical sides of a Welcoming Committee:

Orientation   New arrivals are usually disoriented, living out of boxes and not familiar with the neighborhood parks, schools, churches, shopping facilities and other basics. The Committee can provide "insider" city information (best shopping values, restaurants, etc.) that will help the newcomer feel at home. On the association level, the Committee can present copies of governing documents, policies, rules and regulations, trash pickup schedules, board and homeowner meeting dates, list of board members and committee members with phone numbers and other information any well informed resident should know or have readily available.

Interview There are few times better than move in time to interest a new owner in association business. Many newcomers have a curiosity that can be converted to a commitment to serve. The Welcoming Committee can informally quiz the new arrival about areas of interest as they relate to board and committee duties. This is the time to gain insight into any special training or organizational skills that would be of value to the group.

Polling   People have different philosophical reasons for moving into a community. Some want privacy while others want involvement. This is an opportunity to determine whether their expectations are aligned with the association’s reality. [One Board President told me that many new residents thought he was "the maintenance guy" and were constantly badgering him to fix their garbage disposal and change light bulbs.] Misinformation can lead to disenchantment and disenchantment to hostility... something the Board doesn’t need. The Welcoming Committee can help get the newcomer off on the right foot.

Setting the Tone   A Welcoming Committee speaks volumes about the Board’s desire to connect and get participation from other members. By taking the first step, the message is, "We value and encourage your participation in your community." It is a message that effective leaders deliver consistently and well. Even if the new arrival doesn’t choose to participate on the Board or Committee, the public relations helps garner support for the Board that is useful when controversial issues arise.

If your residents are disconnected and apathy abounds, consider the positive influence that a Welcoming Committee can bring to your community. A small investment in time up-front can reap big rewards down the line.  BACK

Hearin’ Now?
When to speak and when to listen is a challenge we all face. In daily conversations, the greater gift is the ability to listen.

Board members and property managers deal with irate homeowners that make blood boil. The urge to strike back is natural. The person yelling at you is not only a shareholder in the association you serve, but also believes passionately in what has caused their anger. That person is owed a full and fair hearing. Your role in any exchange is to remain calm, listen attentively and discover the key to the conflict before you commit to any action.

Effective listening is the key to dealing with different personality types within the community. Listening without jumping to conclusions can be mastered by even a type-A personality eager to cut to the bottom line. Listening means really concentrating on what another person is saying and not just waiting for your turn to speak. Listen with both your eyes and ears. Let your body language show that the person speaking has your full and undivided attention. Show that you care about their problem.

Remember back in school when the English teacher stressed the importance of the Five W’s in compositions: who, what, when, where and why? Successful communication includes these same elements: Who is responsible? What is the issue? When did it start? Where is action is expected? Why is it being brought to your attention?

While the issue will often be emotionally charged, the effective listener focuses on the facts, not the emotion. Try this technique. Patiently listen while the person is speaking, nodding your head and saying, "Uh-huh" and "Mmmm." After the person has finished, pause and repeat back what has just been said. Then ask if you understood correctly. By restating the key elements of the conversation, you are clarifying their position while showing that you are listening without agreeing with what has been said. (There are occasions when no amount of diplomacy will win the day. When that happens, it’s best to revisit the issue after a reasonable "cooling-off" period.)

Now that you have softened any anger with your superb listening skills, it’s problem solving time. Choose your words carefully. Once spoken, an ill word cannot be retrieved. The word "but" acts like a roadblock to alternatives. Negotiate resolutions making the homeowner part of the process. Restate the key points discussed and what you both agree on as the correct course of action.

Effective listening separates winners from wannabees. Hear what I’m saying? BACK

Really Listening
The famous English comedy group Monty Python did a sketch involving a man who visited a business offering "Arguments by the Hour":

Client (C): I came here looking for an argument.
Business Owner (BO): No you didn't.
C: Yes I most certainly did. I'd like to engage in an argument.
BO: No you don't.
C: Are you trying to argue with me?
BO: No.
C: But you are. Everything I say, you disagree to.
BO: No I don't.
C: But what you're doing isn't arguing, it's being contrary.
BO: No it isn't.
C: An argument isn't mere contradiction. It's two people engaging in debate over a topic of mutual interest.
BO: No it isn't.
C: Look, this is ridiculous. Are you going to argue or not?
BO: Maybe.
C: Just answer me yes or no.
BO: Time's up!
C: What do you mean "Time's up"?...We just started!
BO: No we didn't.
Etc. etc. etc.

Arguments happen in homeowner associations too. Some owners challenge the board with issues based more on control than substance. Others simply have a need for attention or assurance of being heard.

Still, there is an issue that must be dealt with. While sorting out the basis of the issue, (control, attention or reasonable concern) address the party in a caring and concerned manner. Gather information with an open mind. The answers may surprise you...even "crazies" have insight. Look for points of compromise. These are neighbors after all and decisions made today affect future community harmony. And try not to scold. Attention seekers will use scolding as grist for mills that go 'round and 'round. "They don’t care what you know until they know that you care."  BACK

Resale Disclosure: A Cover Up?
In real estate transactions, a buyer is entitled to all information that significantly affects the enjoyment and livability of the purchase property. This is often referred to as "resale disclosure" information. In many states, the seller is required by law to provide such information in writing to prospective buyers prior to closing. Unfortunately, many states fail to include information a buyer of property in a homeowner association needs to know.

So, what the big deal? Owners in homeowner associations have unique obligations that single family home owners do not and some of it involves substantial financial liability.

Here is a list of items that an HOA buyer needs to make an informed decision:

• Are any special assessments being discussed?
• Copy of the current year’s budget and Year to Date Financial statement.
• The monthly (usually but may be quarterly or yearly) assessment for the unit/home.
• Amount of funds in the reserve account for major repairs and replacements.
• Copy of the most recent year end income and expense statement.
• Is the HOA involved in any litigation?  If so, get details.
• Details on the association’s insurance coverages.
• Is the subject property in violation of architectural guidelines?
• Review the governing documents, rules and architectural guidelines.
• Are there any specific rules on pets, parking or rental restrictions?
• Copies of most recent year’s approved Board meeting minutes.
• Copies of most recent year’s association newsletters.

Much of this information is, or should be, maintained and provided by the association and available at an owner’s request. One argument for not providing it is that buyers typically don’t read it. It's a dangerous presumption that buyers don't read or heed disclosure information. Real estate transactions are complex by their nature. That's why most buyers and sellers use trained professionals like real estate agents, escrow officers and attorneys to assist them. These buyers and sellers rely on these professionals to advise them on the critical issues. A buyer's understanding of real estate law is not critical but understanding the impact of resale information is.

Another reason resale information is not readily available is because many associations handle their business, frankly, in an arbitrary and haphazard way. Many don't even have the information to disclose. Disclosure for those boards is a source of embarrassment and personal liability.

All states need a Resale Disclosure Certificate that includes the information unique to community associations. Failure to advise a buyer of significant information creates unnecessary hardship on the buyer and potential liability for the seller, Board, association and real estate agent. On the other hand, a properly informed buyer is more likely to be a supportive member of the board and community. Resale disclosure for community associations...it’s time has come.  BACK

Defusing Explosive People
There's one in every homeowner association: a person who details every real or imagined infraction of the board, manager and other owners since the dawn of time. People who find the cloud behind every silver lining, wreak havoc at every turn...for lack of a better term, "explosive people." They can’t be barred from meetings but much can be done to defuse their explosive personalities:

• Let them speak their minds at an Open Forum before the meeting. Venting helps.
• Hear them out without interruption.
• Don't play favorites. Allow equal time to all speakers.
• Keep cool. Don’t respond to yelling or accusations.
• Show concern. "I understand you are upset...."
• Consider their point carefully. Difficult people often challenge the status quo and they may just be right. Think before giving an automatic "no."
• Rollback the Rules. Rules born of common sense are less subject to challenge. Eliminate those that aren’t.
• Present a united front. Decide in advance how to respond to explosive people. When the unified message is "Your behavior is inappropriate and we're all in agreement on this," the challenge will fail. If the rest of the board sits and squirms, the challenge will prevail.
• Move meeting times earlier when everyone is fresher and more relaxed..

Explosive people need to be handled carefully like the real deal. If you follow these defusing techniques, these folks won’t blow up in your face!  BACK

The Greatest Hitter in the World
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it , and missed. "Strike ONE!" he yelled.

Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down, he swung again and missed. "Strike TWO!" he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike THREE!" 

"WOW!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

Attitude determines how circumstances impact your life. The little boy's circumstances hadn't changed, but his optimistic attitude prompted him to give an encouraging meaning to what had happened.

What difficult time are you going through right now? Can you do something to change it? If you can, don't wait another day, make the needed changes. If you can't change the circumstance, change your attitude. You'll discover that circumstances won't have the last word.  From Hot Illustrations for Youth Talks by Wayne Rice. BACK

News Fit to Print
Communication is essential for the well being and harmony of your community. Do you have a regular newsletter? Is it informative and timely? Do the owners read it? Is it worth reading? Answers to these questions vary, but more often then not, most newsletters are "throwaways". It doesn’t need to be that way. With a bit of imagination, they could be both informative and fun to read.

First, what kinds of "boilerplate" information ought to be included?

1. Names of Board Members
2. Contact information for the management company
3. Most recent Income & Expense Statement
4. Committee Reports: architectural, budget, landscape, etc.
5. Special Upcoming Projects, like tree trimming, are particularly appropriate.
6. Rule Reminder of those being regularly violated (like barking and unleashed dogs) without being preachy
7. Event Calendar: social, meetings, maintenance

Another extremely important ingredient in a readable newsletter is the layout and design. There are many software programs available with standardized templates included. Microsoft Publisher is inexpensive and user friendly. There are others more or less complicated depending on your computer sophistication. Here are some of the basics to keep in mind:

Design & Layout
1. The design should be attractive, inviting and distinctive. The "look" of the newsletter attracts the reader.
2. Each issue should look the same. Choose a simple format and stick with it.
3. For maximum readability, use headlines and sub-headings. It's easier to read.
4. Avoid continuing articles on another page.
5. The newsletter title page should explain what the newsletter is about and who publishes it.
6. Make the title distinctive.
7. Use only standard typefaces like Times Roman, Arial and Helvetica.
8. Italics can slow the reader down up to 30%. Use them sparingly.
9. Body text should be 10 or 11pt. Main headlines should be 18pt - 24pt and sub-headings should be 14pt.
10. Use bold type and/or italics to highlight people's names and to point out important details.
11. Avoid using all caps.
12. Use clipart.
13. Don't put boxes around illustrations as they make the pages look cluttered.

An editor's challenge is to include copy and an attractive format that encourages residents to want to read the newsletter. Put your imagination to work and make your news fit to print. BACK

World Wide Web Wise
Technology has, is and will change every aspect of our lives. Think of the train, the telephone, the car, the TV and the airplane. Each of these advancements were met with some level of resistance. There were those that said the human body will not be able to withstand the force of a car traveling 30 MPH.

The benefits to a homeowner association of having a well thought out website are many. They include the ability of the members to talk with each other via E-mail. The members can view the most current version of the governing documents and the rules and download any section of them whenever they need them, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. No more excuses for not knowing the rules. Members can view the status of their accounts. Board actions can be posted along with the dates, times and locations of meetings.

Maintenance and information requests can all be done online. The associations' newsletters could be sent to each member via E-mail and posted online drastically reducing the copying, postage and handling costs. This aspect alone will pay the maintenance cost of the website development and maintenance.

The association can post documents relating to litigation the association may be involved with. And soon, online transmission of the association meetings will be possible, just like the larger cities have for their city council meetings. Assessment payments can be made over the Internet with secure credit card or checks.

iBallot.com provides an efficient method for Internet voting and polling that increases member participation absent from physical meetings. Issues and election candidates can be posted on the website along with graphs, pictures, points and counterpoints. Issues can be easily polled to assist the board with decision making. Within a few short years, popularity of Internet voting will doubtless surpass voting "at the poll". Why set up special polling stations when a better way is at hand?

Don’t shy away from these new technologies. Become web-wise. Like the horseless carriage, this is absolutely a better way to travel. It will bring your community closer together, improve communication and make every member a better neighbor and promote harmony.  By Scott Flood of iBallot.com.  BACK

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