The term "Communication" has a warm connotation. It denotes a form of fellowship. However, if you believe the media, HOAs are police states with warlord boards. While there is always an element of truth in the stories, they are selected because they aren’t the norm (like Elderly Owner Has Condo Foreclosed) but the stories give the impression that such is the norm. Often as not, homeowners with a "my-home-is-my-castle" mentality disregard rules and regulations to challenge the HOA. Boards that are confronted by these challenges can react with defiance. Anger begets defensiveness which invites retreat or counter attack.

Few boards have the ability to communicate "artfully". This art includes reining in outspoken directors, schmoozing vendors, soothing the ruffled feathers of feuding neighbors and enacting rules that invite compliance rather than evoke defiance.

What is communication? According to Webster, communication is "to have or hold intercourse or interchange of thoughts; to give, or give and receive, information, signals or messages in any way, as by talk, gestures, writing, etc." Here are some tips to improve HOA communications:

1. Take a class on dealing with difficult people. These are offered through various sources, such as local community colleges, where mediation skills are taught, web courses, and books in the local library.

2. Learn "active listening", which is actually listening and paying attention when a person is talking to you. This technique doesn't mean that you agree or disagree with what is being said it lets them know that you hear them.

3. Learn how to release the pressure. Visualize an angry person like a balloon that is blown up to its maximum. It can’t take any more pressure without popping. Now imagine letting some of that air out by listening to a belligerent person for a few minutes. Once people feel like they have "had their say", the more open they are to receiving and compromise.

4. Don't form assumptions about right or wrong. If you already have your mind made up, compromise is more difficult.

5. Respond to communications in a business like way and without anger. Ignoring communications from an owner who has an ax to grind often leads to more and stronger demands, and possibly personal attacks.

6. Count to ten. Take a walk, a break or a breather before you react. Answers given in anger rarely solve the issue and usually make the situation worse.

The art of surviving each other in an HOA environment has long term benefits which can help grow neighbors and friendships. This is an art worth perfecting, especially if you are in a position of leadership and authority.

Excerpts from an article by Beth A. Grimm, Esq.   BACK

Generation Balancing
Homeowner associations can be a melting pot of age groups which carry unique values and perceptions of the world. At times, these values can clash at the HOA level and the board is challenged to restore balance and harmony with the warring factions. There’s more to it than loud music, wandering pets and illegally parked RVs. There are certain heartfelt philosophies that simply don’t mix. Consider the dynamics of these groups:

Silent Generation was born between 1920 and 1945. They’re the veterans of the World and Korean Wars. They survived the Great Depression. Their core values include survival and sacrifice. They stockpile food, wear clothes out and eat leftovers. They believe that a rule is a rule. They resist changes in technology which puts them at a disadvantage in the workplace. They believe in traditional family structure and that marriage is a life long commitment. Most attended the College of Hard Knocks.

Baby Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964. Many are career driven workaholics who don’t see the need to follow rules. They believe in the notion of "meaningful work" rather than working simply to survive and the workplace is a major part of their self-identity. Many experienced growing up with only one parent. Many thought college was an birthright.

Generation X was born between 1965 and 1980. This group questions their parents’ values and believes that jobs and housing are disposable. They place greater value on family and personal life than the Baby Boomers do, and they feel that a balanced life is more important than professional accomplishments. Many grew up as "latch-key" kids who were left home alone frequently because one or both parents worked outside the home. They view college as a means to an end.

Generation Y was born between 1981 and 2000. People in this group have always known computers, the Internet and cell phones. South Africa’s policy of apartheid has not existed in their lifetime, genetic testing and DNA screening have always been available. Generation Ys are tolerant of multiculturalism, internationalism and interracial relationships. This generation focuses on individual choices and goals. Many grew up in merged families which combined children from different parents.

What these differences point to is that people communicate based on their generational backgrounds. Each generation has distinct attitudes, behaviors, expectations, habits and motivational buttons. Learning how to communicate with the different generations can eliminate many major confrontations and misunderstandings.

So what’s the board to do with such disparate ways of thinking? Fortunately, it’s not the board’s job to make sure neighbors get along. While reasonable rules need to be enforced, personality reconciliation does not. What the board can do is to facilitate social activities and reinforce areas of commonality.

Social Events. A potluck event costs the HOA nothing yet provides an opportunity for different age groups to mingle and acquaint themselves. These can be carried off as barbecues, Christmas parties or at annual meetings.

Reinforcing Commonality. Regardless of age, HOA members share in the need for security, peace and sustained property values. When the board acts to protect the general good in these areas, age is no barrier and all will be unified in a common cause. Conversely, when the board enacts rules that target certain age groups (like children), discontent and rancor is sure to follow from the kids and their parents.

Stay Out of the Middle. Given time and opportunity, generational conflicts can be resolved by face to face meeting of the parties. The board should not interrupt this process by trying to solve the problem. Encourage the parties to meet and talk (without weapons and lawyers).

Balancing the generations that populate your homeowner association is on the one hand a great challenge and on the other hand a gratifying exercise. While value and perception differences will conflict from time to time, facilitating social activities, reinforcing those issues all generations hold in common and letting them work out differences face to face will help them bond.

Excerpts from an article by Community Associations Institute.   BACK

Neighbor Nuisances
When people live in close proximity, lifestyle clashes are likely. Noise is the most common complaint followed closely by odors, health and sanitation issues, cigarette smoke and curb appeal. The board is challenged from time to time to sort out various nuisances that interfere with a member’s enjoyment of their property. To intervene or not to intervene? That is the question.

Some nuisances are clear violations of law and should be handled by law enforcement. Among these are domestic disputes, out of control parties, abuse of alcohol and use of illegal drugs should all be directed to law enforcement. These are not situations that neighbors or boards are prepared to deal with and there is a chance attempts to do so could escalate to physical altercations. The complainer should be directed to call the police immediately.

Other nuisances, like a neighbor’s choice or volume of music, house cleaning acumen, hard stepping ways, or Marlboros can cause ongoing nuisance that are more appropriate for board intervention.

But these issues may come in several flavors: people driven or building design driven or a combination of both. People driven issues are more easily dealt with (STOP doing that!!!), but the board’s approach to building design nuisances is more problematic.

New construction generally provides for adequate sound barriers, but older properties often don’t. Sound transmission is a very common problem in condo conversions using apartment buildings. In older buildings where common walls, floors and ceilings are wood frame construction, there will often be ongoing noise issues to deal with.

Correcting these soundproofing deficiencies is possible but very expensive. Carpet and sound deadening drywall will help but not totally kill the noise. Installation of hardwood and tile floors in upper units will virtually guarantee an ongoing upstairs/downstairs war. The best the board can do is enact bans on hard surface flooring and encourage greater noise sensitivity between neighbors.

For people generated nuisances not better handled by John Law, the board’s involvement is certainly called for. In this, the board is challenged to "balance competing interests" such as the upstairs neighbor’s need to have a trampoline and the downstairs neighbor’s need to sleep. In balancing these interests, the board needs to have an actual chance of reconciling the problem. As one judge put it, "The test of nuisance is not what effects it has on persons of delicate or dainty habits or living, or of fanciful or fastidious tastes, or on persons who are invalids, afflicted with disease, bodily ills, or abnormal physical conditions, or on person who are of nervous temperament, or peculiarly sensitive to annoyance or of disturbance of the character complained".

In plain English, this means that just because someone is bothered doesn’t automatically make something a nuisance. People living in close quarters are called on for a higher degree of tolerance. But some just can’t adjust. Some folks simply need more space, a wider buffer zone. No degree of board intervention will ever satisfy them short of vacating all adjoining units.

Most long lasting solutions for nuisances are compromises. For example, instead of banning Mr. Trampoline from his passion, maybe he will agree to bounce from 9 am to 7 pm instead of at 3 #$%!! am. When settling the nuisance dust between neighbors, creativity and a lot of humor is called for (a LOT of humor). The board should deflect those which can be to the combatants or the law, and for those that can’t, ply the waters of compromise.   BACK

Peaceful Coexistence
Due to the smaller buffer zone of neighbors in many homeowner associations, conflicts are more likely to happen. Things that bother you slightly (your dog barking, your screaming kids) can cause your neighbors to go ballistic, much in the same way that their behavior affects you. The key to minimizing conflict with your neighbor is to take responsibility for being a good neighbor. What does being a good neighbor look like? It doesn’t mean that you have to be best friends or spend time together. Simple consideration and appropriate communication with your neighbor is all that is necessary.

Here are some helpful suggestions for achieving a peaceful coexistence with your neighbor:

Meet your neighbor. Introduce yourself at the mailbox, when taking a walk, or when you see the moving boxes arrive. Learning your neighbors’ name and regularly offering a cordial "good morning" or "hello" can be the start of a positive relationship. Don’t worry about whether or not they reciprocate. The important thing is that you are making an effort. Don’t wait until you have a problem to meet your neighbor.

Keep your neighbors informed. Contact your neighbors before you do something that might affect them—such as hosting a big party, building a fence, cutting down a tree, or getting a new dog. Informing your neighbors ahead of time allows them to make plans or tell you how your project will affect them. Getting their input lets you act in a way that avoids problems.

Observe the Golden Rule. Treat your neighbors the way they would like to be treated. Set an example by being considerate about noise from vehicles, tools, stereos, group activities and pets.

Be aware of differences. Differences in age, ethnic background, years in the neighborhood, etc. can lead to conflicting expectations or misunderstandings unless you make an effort to communicate and understand each other.

Consider your neighbors’ view. How does your compost pile, dog run, or son’s car parts look from your neighbors’ backyard or windows? Keep areas that are in others’ view reasonably presentable.

Be appreciative. If your neighbor does something you like, tell them! They will be pleased that you noticed the yard work or the new paint job. It will be easier to talk later when they do something that you don’t like.

Don’t assume that discussing it will aggravate your neighbor. Your neighbors can’t help resolve a problem they don’t know exists. Focus on:

• Learning rather than delivering a message

• Understanding rather than blaming

• Joint problem solving rather than who is at fault

If you use these approaches, the conversation will usually go better than you think. Neighbors are often not aware that their actions are negatively affecting others. Usually, people are willing to make changes if you approach them respectfully.

Don’t assume you know your neighbors’ intentions. If your neighbor does something that irritates you, don’t assume that it was done on purpose. Presume the neighbor doesn’t know about the annoyance. Giving them the benefit of the doubt will make it easier for you to talk about the situation.

Don’t wait to talk about things that bother you. If your neighbor does something that bothers you, let them know. By communicating early and calmly, you take a big step forward toward resolving the problem. Don’t wait until a minor irritation becomes a major issue and makes it difficult to discuss.

Separate the person from the problem. Conflict can happen whenever two or more people interact with one another. It occurs because we are all unique individuals with different perspectives, values, and needs. Focusing on the issue, not the person will allow you to take care of the problem while maintaining or improving your relationship with your neighbor.

Be respectful. Talk directly with the neighbor involved with the problem. Don’t gossip or spread rumors with other neighbors. Gossip damages relationships and can hurt other people. Problem solving is only possible when we treat each other with respect.

Be calm. If a neighbor approaches you accusingly about a difficulty, listen carefully and thank them for telling you how they feel. You don’t have to agree or justify your behavior. If you can listen and not react defensively, then their anger will subside, the lines of communication will remain open, and there is a good chance of working things out.

Listen well. When you discuss a problem, try to understand how your neighbor feels about an issue and why. Understanding is not the same as agreeing, but will increase the likelihood of a solution that works for you both. Summarize what you hear and ask questions to clarify your understanding of their view of the problem.

If things get heated, take a break. If you need to, take a break to calm down and think about what you and your neighbor have discussed. Arrange a time to finish the conversation later, and then do so. It’s hard to problem solve when you are having a heated discussion.

Constructive communication can resolve conflict, and talking things over directly is the best way to handle problems, and avoid enforcement or the courts.

From the City of Beaverton Oregon Dispute Resolution Center.   BACK