Giggles
Things to Ponder
  • The reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential: meetings.
  • There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
  • You should not confuse your career with your life.
  • Someone will always take you too seriously.
  • When trouble arises, someone will always take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
  • Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
  • Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
  • The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
  • No one really knows the reason for Daylight Savings Time.
  • The one thing that unites all human beings is they ALL believe they are good drivers.
  • The goal of all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
  • A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
  • Your friends love you anyway.     BACK

Dear Mr. IRS
I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my Federal Income Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. It's only fair that since they are minors and not my responsibility that the government knows something about them. You may apply next year to reassign them to me and reinstate the deduction. This year they are yours!

The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can answer people’s questions about their returns. While she has had no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze.

Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a little to close together for normal people. He may be a tax examiner himself someday if you don't incarcerate him first. He and his friends have raging hormones. DO NOT leave any of them unsupervised with girls, explosives, inflammables, vehicles or telephones. I'm sure you'll find the telephones a source of unimaginable amusement. Be sure to lock out the 900 numbers!

Heather, my youngest, slid through a time warp or came from a bad trip in the 60s. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads and sandals. Most people under twenty understand the curious speech she fashioned out of valley girl-boys-in-the-hood-reggae-yuppie lingo. She wears hats backwards, pants baggy and wants one of her ears pierced four more times.

You denied two of the three deductions so I guess it's only fair you get to pick which two you will take. I prefer you take the two youngest, I still go bankrupt with Kristen's college expense but then I'm free! If you take the two oldest at least I have time for counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If you take the two girls I won't feel so bad about putting Patrick in a military academy. Please let me know of your decision as soon as possible as I have already increased the withholding on my W4 to cover the $395 in additional tax and made a down payment on an airplane.

Yours Truly,
John Q. Smith  BACK

I’d Do Anything
A female student steps into a professor's office after hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door and says seductively, "I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "anything".

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything" she coos.

His voice softens. "Really? Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"  BACK

Aha!!!
An actual exchange between WordPerfect Customer Support (WCS) and a customer (C):
WCS: May I help you?
C: I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. I was typing along, and the words went away.
WCS: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
C: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
WCS: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
C: How do I tell?
WCS: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
C: What's a "sea prompt"?
WCS: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around the screen?
C: There isn't any cursor.
WCS: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
C: What's a monitor?
WCS: It's the thing that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
C: I don't know.
WCS: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.
C: I can't. 
WCS: Even if you lean way over? 
C: I can't because it's dark.
WCS: Dark? Why?
C: Because there's a power outage.
WCS:  Aha!!! We've got it licked now. Do you still have the computer boxes, manuals and packing stuff?
C: Yes, I keep them in the closet. 
WCS:  Good. Go get them, unplug your equipment and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
C: Really? Is it that bad? 
WCS: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
C: Well, all right. What do I tell them? 
WCS: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.  BACK

Stuck in a Rut?
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That gauge was used because that's the way they built them in England and English immigrants engineered the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built pre-railroad tramways and that's the gauge they used. And the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that were used for building wagons and their wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break because that was the spacing of the wheel ruts in English roads.

So who built those roads? The Romans built the first roads in England for their armies. Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts. And that wheel spacing was based on the width of the two horses that pulled the chariot.

Some things never change (even when change is long overdue). Are you stuck in a rut? Next time you’re handed some ill-conceived plan and wonder what horse's ass was behind it, you may be exactly right.  BACK

Two Buck Donkey
A man named Kenny (yes, same Kenny) bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. But the next day, the farmer called and said, "I have some bad news. The donkey died."

Kenny replied, "Well, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK, just bring me the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny responded, "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer blanched, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" But Kenny replied coolly, "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he’s dead."

A month later the farmer ran into Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny replied, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two bucks a piece and made a $898 profit."

The farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two bucks back."  BACK

Lost in Translation
A new missionary was sent to Mexico and was struggling with the language. Intent on mixing with the locals, he visited a local church but having arrived late, the only seat was the one on the front row. To not make a fool of himself, he decided to imitate the man sitting next to him. When they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary stood as well.

During the sermon, the missionary didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like the man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. The man was clapping so the missionary clapped too. Then the preacher spoke and the man next to him stood up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing.

After the service, the preacher stood at the door shaking hands. When the missionary stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish." The missionary replied: "No I don't. It's that obvious?" "Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."  BACK

Turn Around
 As a man was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, his wife said urgently, "I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!" 

"Hell," he replied, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Murphy says "The light at the end of the tunnel could be the headlight of an oncoming train."  Do a reality check on the path you’re beating. How do you spend your time and who do you "hang" with? Maybe you’re fast tracked for destruction. Turn around while you still can.  BACK

Elementary!
 Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping. As they bedded down for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially other planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."  BACK

Advice from Kids
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. - Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Jeremy, 8
4. Stay away from prunes. - Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence. - Robby, 13
6. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. - Emily, 10
7. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. - Taylia, 11
8. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. - Traci, 14
9. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, 9
10. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Armir, 11
11. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9
12. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, 10
13. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, 13   BACK

Cutting a Deal
Adam was walking in the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong?" Adam replied, "I don't have anyone to talk to."

God said, "I will give you a companion, a woman named Eve. She will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with you. She will bear your children and never ask you to help. She will not nag, She will always be the first to admit she is wrong. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love whenever you need it."

Adam asked, "This sounds too good to be true. What will this cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg!"

Adam countered, "What can I get for just a rib?"

The rest, as they say, is history.   BACK

One Letter Short
 Technology is grand but when misused, even unintentionally, can have serious consequences. Consider the case of the man who left snowy Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find her email address, he typed it from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his email was misdirected to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had recently passed away.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she let out a piercing scream and fainted. The email read:

Honey,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.  Sure is hot down here.    BACK

Horrorscopes #1
Capricorn: December 22 - January 19
 Did Franz Kafka cough a lot? Did Hemingway hem and haw? Did Twain stay on the wight twacks? Did Poe ever get rich? Ok, enough of that. Shut off the tube and read something before your brain rots.

Aquarius: January 20 - February 18
Giving out unsolicited advice is a little like giving a blind man a mirror. In other words, nobody needs it or wants it. You should take care of your own odd traits and obnoxious patterns before tackling those of humanity.

Pisces: February 19 - March 20
The study of history is the study of human error. Nobody’s perfect and we learn by mistakes. The next time someone tries to give you a lecture, spike his drink with a Mickey.

Aries: March 21 - April 19
Considering the high cost of living, it’s somehow ironic that life is so cheap. It’s good that you notice that which surrounds you, however don’t lecture the less observant. In short, smell the roses but mind your manners.

Taurus: April 20 - May 20
So you’ve finally got your second wind? That’s very good, but the race is far from over. You’ve miles to go before you sleep, and thus I advise that you invest in oxygen tanks.

Gemini: May 21 - June 20
In the sub-standard mind, commonly held, popular beliefs have a way of substituting themselves for facts. This is a sign of mental sloth. Extricate yourself from idiots and think. The truth shall set you free.

Cancer: June 21 - July 22
Those who wish to make things right have no great objection to seeing things go wrong. Conversely, those who thrive upon chaos and ignorance will fight tooth and nail against order and civilization. Maybe you should just move.

Leo: July 23 - August 22
If you’re considering a horrid idea then you’re already half converted. The reason you make bad decisions is because you over think. Everyone knows right or wrong, they just hate to admit that sometimes right is hard.

Virgo: August 23 - September 22
Those lacking at least one horse thief in their family tree often have shallow roots. Exotic spices liven the stew, and your diet right now is very bland. You don’t need to go to jail, but you do need to take some risks.

Libra: September 23 - October 22
As is demonstrated millions of times per day, idiocy knows no rest. Every moronic concept has a champion, and he usually hasn’t bathed for six months. A loud voice, unfortunately, often supersedes common sense.

Scorpio: October 23 - November 21
If discretion is the better part of valor, then valor is the better part of picking your battles wisely. Be humble, buy big guns, and pull them only as a last resort.

Sagittarius: November 22 - December 21
Some people are very wise. Other people are otherwise. The world would be your oyster if you merely broadened your circle with care and consideration. Expand your horizons now, lest the sun set on your dreams.

BACK

The Chicken Gun
 Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead four pound chickens at high velocity at windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

French engineers heard about the device and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to them. When the gun was fired, the engineers were aghast as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. Sacre bleu!

The horrified Frenchmen sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo -- "Defrost the chicken".   BACK

Rewriting History
 Inscription on the back of an old photograph: "Remus Starr: Horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged.

As rewritten by his relatives: "Remus Starr was a famous entrepreneur in the Montana Territory. His business empire included equestrian assets and dealings with the railroad. He devoted two years of his life to service at a government facility, taking leave to resume his partnership with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during a civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."   BACK

Best Headlines

  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash

  • Police Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death

  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

  • War Dims Hope for Peace

  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

  • Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

  • Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

  • Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

  • Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead   BACK

Playing Golf
It was a sunny morning on the first hole of a busy course. I was beginning my routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:

"Would the gentleman on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please?"

I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please?"

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more the man yelled, "Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please?"

I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back.... "Would the jerk with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot?"   BACK

Golf Giggles
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. Sam Snead

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. George Brett

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. Jim Murray

The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. Kevin Costner

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. Chi Chi Rodriguez

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. Chi Chi Rodriguez

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. Brian Weis

Swing hard in case you hit it. Dan Marino

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. Lord Robertson

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Jack Benny

Professional golf is the only sport where if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. Jack Nicklaus

I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. Billy Graham

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. Bob Hope

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. Lee Trevino

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. Lee Trevino

After being struck by lightning on the golf course and recovering, Lee Trevino was asked if he’d ever play again during a storm. He replied, "If I got caught in one, I’d hold up my One Iron and walk back to the clubhouse. Even God can’t hit a One Iron!"   BACK

Teaching Math
In 1950s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

In 1960s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

In 1970s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

In 1980s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline $20.

In 1990s: A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the environment or habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )

Today: Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de produccion es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?   BACK

Why Parents Drink
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up on the pillow that was addressed to “Dad”. He opened the envelope and read:

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret that I'm writing you. I eloped with my new girlfriend Stacey because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy. But I knew you wouldn’t approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and we share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

Don't worry Dad. I'm fifteen and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
John

PS. None of this is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the lousy report card in my desk drawer. Call me when it's safe to come home.    BACK

Davebarryisms 6
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

Just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West - the Grand Canyon, the Badlands, the Goodlands, the Mediocrelands, the Rocky Mountains and Robert Redford-were caused by erosion.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups, it tends to act as though it has one partially consumed Pez tablet for a brain.

Karate is a form of martial art in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.    BACK

New Dog Breeds
Collie + Lhasa Apso: Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow: Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter: Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund: Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingese + Lhasa Apso: Pekaso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel: Irish Springer, a dog that is fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever: Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound: Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog: Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador: Blabrador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer: Moot Point, a dog that...well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute: Commute, a dog that travels to work

Bull Terrier + Shitzu: Figure it out.    BACK

Heaven & Hell
Heaven is where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.  BACK

Snappy Comebacks 4
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  • Why don't you go to the library and brush up on ignorance?
  • I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?
  • Your inferiority complex is fully justified.
  • I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  • Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
  • You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.
  • For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.
  • You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
  • You must be a math major. You add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention and multiply ignorance.
  • I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.  BACK

Loan Approved
After the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina, some New Orleans homeowners seeking financing were challenged with tracing their home titles back hundreds of years since their houses had been passed down through generations of family.

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note the request is supported by an Abstract of Title which only clears title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

The lawyer responded as follows: "I was unaware that any educated American, particularly those working in the real estate area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. The title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been challenged to seek a shorter route to India by the Spanish monarch Queen Isabella.

Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance the Columbus expedition. The Pope, as you may know, is an emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. God, it is commonly believed, created the world, so it is safe to assume that God also made Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and his origins predate the beginning of time, the world as we know it and FHA. I hope you find God's claim to be satisfactory."    BACK

Rules of Life: O to P
Orion's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realize that you are in a hurry.
Sausage Principle: People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
Mudhead’s Second Law of Comedy: If you push anything hard enough, it will fall over.
Nick Danger’s First Law Of Advice: The correct advice to give is the advice that is desired.
Rococco’s Second Law Of Communication: The information conveyed is less important than the impression.
Thompson’s First Law Of Innovation Management: Change is the status quo.
Tirebiter’s First Law Of Communication: The purpose of the communication is to advance the communicator.
Zaro’s Second Law Of Innovation Management: Management by objectives is no better than the objectives.    BACK