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Giggles |
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Mot du Jour: Kibosh
Whatever its origin, most authorities seem to agree that the word originated in Britain where it appeared in Dickens’ Sketches by Boz in 1836. It was soon taken to America and became part of the language. Dickens spelled it kye-bosk (presumably a literal spelling of the Cockney pronunciation); the London humorous magazine Punch used cibosh in an article in 1856; the modern form appeared first in The Slang Dictionary in 1869. Someday perhaps, some earnest researcher will find an earlier citation for the word that ties down its origin to one of these explanations, or one nobody has yet thought of, which will really put the kibosh on all this speculation. From World Wide Words by Michael Quinion BACK
Daffynitions II
Bumper Snickers
1. A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion per passenger." 2. Two boll weevils grew up in the Deep South. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. He became known as the lesser of two weevils. 3. An Eskimo adrift at sea in a kayak lit a fire to keep warm. The boat was set ablaze and sank proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon and announces, "I'm looking for varmint that shot my paw." 5. A Buddhist refused Novocaine during a root canal operation. He wanted to transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts were standing in a hotel lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. The manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. He simply couldn't tolerate chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain who named him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. Two friars opened a floral shop to raise funds for God’s work.. They soon commanded most of the area flower business and drew the ire of a cross village rival. The competitor hired Hugh MacTaggart, the most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh trashed the friar’s shop threatening to return if they didn’t close. Terrified, they complied, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. He also suffered from bad breath. He was a super callused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis. 10. A man emailed ten puns to his friends in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. BACK The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... If you don't like my driving, just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down. I love playing cards with children. They can't tell you're dealing off the bottom of the deck. Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar... Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business. A man's best friend is his dog. That's assuming you want a friend who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper. If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first. A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn. VENI, VEDI, VISA - I came, I saw, I shopped. BACK You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. The homeless are invisible. The subway makes sense. The ability to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual. You think $7 to cross a bridge is fair. Your door has more than three locks. You go to a hockey game for the fighting. (In the stands.) Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard. You are a skee-ball juggernaut. Westchester is considered "Upstate". BACK
Amzanig The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. BACK
Lemon Car Red Flags
Notice of Notice Again, the first meeting will not take place after the pre-meeting since there will be no pre-meeting. That is all. Dismissed. Goodbye. Arrivederci. Sayonara. BACK
My Job History After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. The job was only sew sew anyhow. Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting. I then went to barber school but I just couldn't cut it. So I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard. Actually, my best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy. So I studied to become a doctor, but as it turns out, I had no patients. Next was a job in a shoe factory. I tried real hard, but I just didn't fit in and felt like a heel. Following that, I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. I thought about becoming a witch and tried that for a spell but all my work just went up in smoke. Then, I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. I had a part time job at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind. After years of trying to find steady work, I got a job as a historian. It was fine until I realized there was no future in it. Know where I can find a good job? BACK Corporate Cost Cutting Lodging. All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather. Transportation. Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel. Safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a lower fare is available to Detroit than Seattle, than Detroit it is. Meals. Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. Certain chains like Hickory Farms, Costco and Sam’s Club provide free samples and entire meals can be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources. If restaurants must be utilized, employees should use "all you can eat" salad bars. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own canned food on business travel. Tuna fish, Spam and Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without the bother of heating or costly preparation. Miscellaneous. All employees are encouraged to devise innovative ways to save company dollars. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. BACK
Getting into Shape Monday: Started my day at 6:00
am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I found
Belinda waiting for me. She is Greek goddess with blond hair, dancing eyes and
a dazzling white smile. She gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She
took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill and was alarmed that my
pulse was so high. But I attribute it to standing next to her in her Lycra
aerobic outfit. I enjoyed her aerobics class and she was encouraging as I did
my sit ups, although my gut was aching from holding it in the whole time she
was around.
Man Sued for Stopping She continues to say that of the almost two years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a good or bad time to stop my vehicle." BACK
Ten Things You Won’t Hear at Church |